Wednesday, June 18, 2014

A heartbreaking conversation with my daughter

I was hospitalized two weeks ago.

I found out today that my poor baby girl thinks she was the reason I got hospitalized. I was gone for a long time, and we only got to sleep beside each other last night. So I was talking to here today, saying sorry I wasn't here with her. I asked what she did while I was away.

Litte moon:"You were s'pposed to be here." (Not angry, but kinda sad.
Me: "I know baby. I'm really sorry. I didn't want to be sick, but I got really sick."
Little moon: "Because of my teeth?"
Me: "What?? What do you mean?"
Little moon: "Because of the dede. May teeth (marks) there."

The hour before I was rushed to the hospital, she asked to nurse. I was in so much pain, so I asked her to stop. That was the last time she ever breastfed.

I was thinking about this the whole time, and was worried she might blame herself, because I wasn't able to explain to her what was happening before I went to the ER. Today my fears were confirmed.

I didn't want to tell her about the ectopic pregnancy, and about how she almost had a little brother or sister (she'd been asking for one for months), because it might break her heart. So all I told her was:

"There was something inside my tummy, and the doctors had to open me up and take it away. It wasn't your fault."

She still thinks I was in so much pain because she bit me.

My poor little girl. I will keep explaining to her till she understands.


1 comment:

  1. So sorry to hear about your lost, Jill. I pray that you're feeling a lot better. Glad to know you're home safe now, with your adorable little moon. :-)


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